The subject of forgiveness has been on my mind lately. It seems all the more appropriate because of the coming Passion Week.
Matthew 18:21
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
I have come to realize that one of the most difficult things in life is the act of forgiveness. It’s easy to forgive when the hurt isn’t that serious, or when the other person begs your forgiveness.
“I am so sorry, I hurt you. I don’t deserve it, but please forgive me.”
This is what we want to hear. Then we want to see a change in behavior. The person craving our forgiveness should be contrite. Maybe we don’t want their total humiliation, but we would like to receive some assurances that they will not hurt us in the same way again.
But its not always like that, is it? Moreover, we would like to think that this kind of model would at least exist in the church. But unfortunately this isn’t always the case. In fact, it sometimes seems that the church is where we fall short the most.
The church should be a tight-knit place where people can experience what it means to be a body of Christ. It’s the church as described in the second chapter of Acts. It’s a place where they love another, even as Jesus commanded us to love and gave us an example of sacrificial love. If you look at the fruit of the spirit, you realize that these are all things that can only be truly experienced while in relationship with others. You can’t love yourself. You can’t be patient or gentle with yourself. Only in the context of relationship can these things be fully experienced. Yet, perhaps ironically, Church is also the one place where so many of us as Christians have been hurt. Maybe it’s because of those relationships that we share together that I can be hurt so badly. I am not hurt by the people who are strangers to me. I am hurt by those people who I thought were my friends and my spiritual mentors. In some cases, we have not just been hurt, we’ve been mortally wounded.
So, what do you do when the person doesn’t ask you forgiveness? What do you do if they don’t even acknowledge a wrong? What do you do when the person who has hurt you, not only doesn’t ask for your forgiveness, but continues to hurt you.
When the person who has hurt you is in a position of leadership and trust, the hurt can be even more terrible. I don’t want to forgive them and, if anything, I would like to pray for God’s judgment on them. But is that what Jesus commands?
For us this is the context of Jesus’ command to forgive, not just once, not even twice or three times, but seventy times seven times. Jesus’ words are unequivocal.
Moreover, Jesus doesn’t place any preconditions on forgiveness. He doesn’t add a footnote that reads
*If the person in question is a jerk and continues to hurt you, then you don’t have to forgive them.
If Jesus had said something like this, then I would have my “out.” But, Jesus doesn’t give me that excuse.
Of course, part of the reason, why I am commanded to forgive this way, is because this is the way God has forgiven me. As someone who has been given much mercy, I am commanded likewise to live a life of mercy. Because, even despite my personal failings, and my inability to control my appetites and desires, God has nevertheless chose to love me. His forgiveness wasn’t done with the precondition that I never sin again. Rather, as Romans 5:6 tells me, when I was still ungodly, selfish and cruel, Christ died for me.
Yet, even as I write this, I realize how hard it is. Forgiveness, involves something more than the intellectual knowledge that I am supposed to forgive.
It’s like kids, when you force them to say, “I’m sorry.” They often say it, but they don’t mean it. In the same way, as a Christian I say, “I forgive you,” but in my heart that forgiveness doesn’t come easy or naturally. Forgiveness is unnatural. It requires me to let go of myself. It requires me to give up my right to justice. It requires me, to allow myself to be hurt again and again. Not because I am a glutton for punishment, but because this is the bullet that Jesus took for me.
My example is Jesus, who on the cross at Calvary, said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
How can I forgive like this? To be totally honest, it seems almost impossible. But then again, I reminded of the cross, the most audacious example of love in human history. Ultimately, Jesus shows me that forgivenes is possible. After all, he has forgiven me. This doesn’t mean that it’s easy, but it’s possible.
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